Too Nice To Enjoy WoW?

Posted December 19th, 2010 by Miss Mediocre

Cataclysm is here, and I’ve had some time to level, play some battle grounds and finish some dailies, mostly those in Tol’Barad. The majority of Cataclysm does seem to be more challenging than what we were used to from previous expansions, but it hasn’t been anything I can’t handle, and I have enjoyed it for the most part. The problem with content being challenging is that players seem to have reacted to it completely the oppisite way as to what I would have thought.

WoW is tough for a “nice” player. We pass on loot that we may want, but that someone else in the group is more entitled to, but always get gear taken from us by someone wanting it for an off-spec. We see someone fighting at a node we were about to mine/pick, so we wait until we see whether they wanted it as they were there first, but always seem to lose our nodes to others who aren’t so courteous. We see a dead body, we stop what we’re doing to throw them a rez, but they can never be bothered to even type “/ty”. We see someone overwhelmed by mobs and about to meet the spirit healer, so we try our best to save them.

It’s not something I think about or even a conscious decision really, it’s just how I have always played. The horrible thing is that after playing through Cataclysm for a couple weeks, I find I am now constantly having to reminding myself not to be so nice. I’ll explain why.

It seems that quite a few players have decided they are so self serving and care so little for the other players of the game, that they will not only refrain from thanking me for healing them when they were about to die, they will pull as many mobs as possible, tag them, and then dump agro so I am forced to kill them all for that player while they go about questing in the area. They are very aware of what they are doing as they then come loot the mobs. Either that or I stop what I’m doing to heal someone who is overwhelmed, and burn through my mana saving them, only to have them run past me to steal a quest item or mob while I drink.

I’ll just quickly mention the time I spent in the Crucible of Carnage as well. I went there with a guildie when I was already 85 to check it out. We had a group and eventually fought through the mob of players to accept and finish all the quest bosses. As soon as we were done, two of the other members asked if we could just do it again quickly for their guild mate. We agreed because it hadn’t taken that long and we like to help out when we can. The girl who joined was horrible. She never got to click the quest giver in time, so we had to wait through two other groups first. Then she’d release when we killed a boss so we had to do a few of them over again. By that time everyone else had left the ring, and so our group started wiping. Anyway, we spent over an hour in that ring (also missing Deathwing who hit the zone, but no achievement for those in the ring) we had decent sized repair bills, and it was apparent we weren’t going to be able to finish it. We wasted a whole hour at the beginning of the expansion helping some random girl attempt to finish this thing, and what does she say when we all finally give up? Something along the lines of, “screw this, I don’t even want to finish these quests anymore!”

No, “thank you guys for wasting so much of your time for me”, she just drops group. Her one guild mate thanked us, but the ungrateful Night Elf’s damage had been done. I felt sick, and actually couldn’t play WoW anymore that night.

It’s crazy! I have actually died more attempting to help people in this expansion than I have questing! I can’t believe how happy others are to take advantage of someone just trying to be nice! Out of at least 100 players I have healed or helped in some way since Cataclysm’s release, I remember exactly how many people took the time to say thank you. Two! And one of those was actually in PvP. A hunter who I healed thanked me for not letting him die, and I wasn’t even going out of my way to help him, I was the healer, so I was healing. The other person who said thank you was a Deathknight who was doing the Uldum quest to kill the Colossus. I came across him when I was working on Archaeology and he was so close to dying that a ret pally heal wouldn’t have saved him, so I used my Lay on Hands. He killed off the Colossus as I was just finishing the dig site, and he whispered me and thanked me and asked if I needed help with that quest. I didn’t, so he thanked me again and we went our separate ways.

I like helping others. I feel like if you have a heal, and someone near you is about to die, you should use it. It makes me feel good when I can save someone a corpse run and repair bill, and even better when they actually acknowledge me for it. However I don’t like being taken advantage of. It is really starting to suck the enjoyment of the expansion for me already, and we’re only a few weeks in! I am loving my guild, and I think they might be the only thing keeping me going, but I’m trying to avoid just closing myself off to all players who aren’t in my guild, like so many others seem to do. I’m starting to wonder if that’s the only way for a “nice” player to survive in WoW these days though.

Have any of you other “nice” players noticed a huge spike in the amount of fellow players happy to take advantage of you? Do you ever get thanked for helping out? Have you experienced similar jerk-player horror stories since the release of Cataclysm? And how can we fix this!?

20 Responses to “Too Nice To Enjoy WoW?”

  1. zecdk

    I play horde and the only person that has ever thaned me for helping them was an alliance mage. She had 3 mobs chasing her down and i was able to pull them off of her so she did not die as she was very close. After i had killed the mobs thatwere on her she gave me a bow. That was all it took for me to know she was greatfull. Anytime i have helped my own hordemates nothing in return makes me wonder were has everyoned manners gone. But it will not stop me from helping.

  2. Nevyn

    Yeah, I’ve noticed – it’s all gone a bit cut-throat out there. The competition for the quest mobs seems to have driven out any common decency. I’ve arrived at one of the mini boss spots to find a large group of people – most just standing around, doing nothing while 1 person tries to kill him. I often suggest a party to save us all time & many jump at it but they rarely say hello, let alone thank you!

    Having said that, I did /poke an ex-friend who’d gone horde & must’ve distracted him ‘cos I was going to help him kill the boss but I got the credit! Oh well :)

    But being on the same quest chains also gives chances to meet fellow questers – one guy /hugged me everytime we bumped into each other so I whispered to ask if I knew him (‘cos it may have been a friend on an unrecognised alt or something) turns out, he was just a nice person & we got chatting. One new friend added to friends list beats all the crappy gits out there :D

  3. Michael

    This probably won’t make you feel any better, but on our server (pvp realm), we have noticed the complete opposite. At a contested quest mob, groups of four or five are common, and ‘thanks’ are generally offered. Occasionally someone will ‘demand’ an invite (which I find rude) but usually it’s just “got room for one more?”

    There’s even been quite a few times when I’ve helped alliance (I’m horde) kill a mob, and they will stick around and help me kill it on the respawn. (And vice versa.) Some really weird stuff happening! I thought it was just me, but a guild commented on it, followed by a few others expressing the same observation. It seems the focus to get to 85 has made people willing to work together more. It’s probably coming to an end but it’s been great!

    As far as being frustrated with the jerks who just take you for granted, I can totally understand. Those people make me want to reach through the monitor and strangle them sometimes! Then I remember something my mom taught me long, long ago… Our actions and reactions to others are a direct reflection of who we are, NOT who they are. In other words, we help because that’s the kind of person we are, and it makes us feel good about ourselves. Being appreciated for it is a nice bonus, but ultimately, that’s not why we do it, am I right?

    Anyway, I hope your recent bad experiences don’t change your tendencies, because quite honestly, every server needs more people like you!

  4. Amy

    I have noticed that too…but I just relate it to real life. I work on a help desk where it is my job to answer the phone. Most of our customers are short with us, when WE are the ones trying everything to help them…and 9 times out of 10, the problem is something they created, or something they are doing wrong.

    I am always polite, patient, understanding…because that’s my job. I’m not always met the same respect. However, after getting call after call of ungrateful customers…you run across that one person who is so grateful for your help, and it just brightens up your day.

    I try to relate my WOW playing to my job…yes, there are some jerks out there that don’t care about you…they are in it for them. But when I run across those that ARE polite and thankful, it just makes me smile a bit. So, I keep doing what I love…playing the game how I live. If I help that one person who truly needs and appreciates my help, then I don’t care about the dozens of ungrateful players.

  5. QuietKjun

    Thanks for the post Miss M. I think most “nice” players know what your talking about.

    I don’t play any healers, so I don’t normally think about healing others whaen i see them struggling with a kill. But I normally will try to help them kill whatever mob they are fighting. Few, if any, thank me, and many seem to think I was trying to steal their kill. Unfortunately, I am also bad about not thanking others for helping me, especially healers. For all those who have thrown me a heal and or buff, I really do apprecaite them. Thanks and please keep them coming.

    I have also noticed other players tagging mobs then trying to loose their aggro to me. It has worked on a couple of occasions, especially in Deepholm. If I notice a mob is tagged by another player, I try to loose aggro myself, even if it means loosing the mobs or quest objectives I need to kill. I even let myself die a couple of times rather than kill someones elses mobs.

    On the other hand, I have noticed something quite refreshing. On several occasions I have seen people waiting for others to finish quests before tagging a mob. I have also had fewer people try to steel my mining or herb nodes. Maybe there are just so many people are starting to realize if you take turns with nodes, you each get plenty and it takes a lot less time and frustration than fightin over each one.

    Thanks again for the post. And thanks for the heals!

  6. Khra

    I know exactly what you’re talking about. Those thing’s have all happened to me. First day of expansion I was in Hyjal mining an obsidium node. I hit the node a few times and ended up aggroing not one but two earth elementals. Nothing I couldn’t handle being a fury warrior. However as soon as they attacked and my mining was canceled, someone flew down and started mining. They were waiting for me to be attacked it seemed. I hadn’t even stepped away from the node, so there was no way they could have thought I wasn’t mining.

    World of Warcraft has gotten so far from being an rpg than it ever has been. No one cares anymore about the next person, or the community or making friends etc. It’s all about the me and the now.

    I always pass up a node if I see someone got there first. I’ve even stopped and helped them defeat the mobs if I see they are being attacked, then give them the node. I’ve been helped out by many people when I’m on my mage while questing. I’ve been rezzed and healed by many healers who just happened to be in the same area. I always make sure to thank them and usually end up chatting for a while. I always give them an intellect buff too. Something so common sense and easy as a thank you can go a long way. It really seems like 90% of the people playing this game have forgotten this.

  7. Miss Mediocre

    zecdk : I’m glad to hear the lack of thanks doesn’t ruin your helpful spirit! That’s weird that the only person who has ever thanked you was from the opposite faction, but very nice that she did! :)

  8. Miss Mediocre

    Nevyn : I’ve seen people standing around watching someone kill a quest boss as well, and even when the person isn’t doing well, they still stand there and would rather watch the player die than just help out. Some of those mini bosses even count for anyone who hits them, not just the person who tagged them, and yet it’s still rare to see someone help. I do invite people whenever I can if it looks like we’re on the same quest, but like you said they rarely say anything. Sometimes they’ll actually not accept or decline my invitation until they tag the mob, then they’ll decline, lol. It’s horrible!

    You do make an awesome point though about making a friend being worth dealing with all the jerks, I just haven’t made a random quest friend yet… lol

  9. Indy

    The ! quest mobs that are supposed to count for anyone regardless of tagging don’t seem to do so currently. At least the ones I’ve tried. I opened a ticket for a bug report.

    I wish more people would loot their kills, on skinnable mobs at least. I won’t skin someone else’s kill until they move away, though (or there’s a trail of unskinned bodies that tell me they aren’t skinning).

  10. Miss Mediocre

    Michael : Your server seems to be reacting to Cataclysm the way I thought all would! I totally expected to see some friendly grouping together to finish hard quests or content, and I think the fact that I haven’t seen that is why I was so disappointed. It’s crazy that Horde and Alliance are helping each other on a PvP server, but awesome! I’m a bit jealous…

    You are right, appreciation is just a bonus, and I’m hoping these bad experiences don’t change my tendencies either, lol because I like being nice! I keep saying, “One more jerk and I am done being nice to everyone!” but that hasn’t happened yet…

  11. Miss Mediocre

    Amy : You make a very valid point :) It does seem worth it when someone is polite and thankful, it just seems to be becoming more rare, and at the same time jerks are taking their jerkiness to all new levels. Do you find that being polite and patient in game effects your performance though? I think that makes it all the more worse for me because I like leveling quickly and getting content finished, and I don’t mind stopping to help someone, but when I stop to help and they waste a huge amount of my time by dumping mobs on me or stealing quest mobs repeatedly, it’s awful! It’s gotten to the point where the people I do play with are like “No, don’t stop to help again! I want to finish this!” because they’ve experienced just how much time it can take.

  12. Miss Mediocre

    QuietKjun : I have gotten to the point where I just run away when others dump mobs onto me too. I’ve yet to die getting away because I am a healer, but it takes a good chunk of time, and is so frustrating because I usually get agro from throwing some heals on that person.

    I did notice someone waiting above an elementium node to see if I would take it yesterday. It was nice of them to not just swoop down and grab it from me, and that’s the first time I’ve come across someone who didn’t try to just steal it! I whispered them and thanked them for waiting for me to kill my mob, though they never said anything back, lol.

  13. Miss Mediocre

    Khra : It is rare to even get a buff from other players now! It used to be you could run through a major city and end up with every buff possible, but now I’m always surprised when someone buffs me, so I make sure to say ty! I wish there was a way to remind everyone how far a thank you can go :(

  14. Rathay

    Oh man… Crucible of Carnage night was terrible. :[

    I always pass on loot for which I am not specced in that run. So if I’m playing dps, I won’t roll on tank items unless it’s a druid tank (I wear plate), or a DK tank and the item is a shield. Somehow, the ninja tanks win rolls for their dps set and then kick me. It really is getting lame x_x

  15. Miss Mediocre

    Indy : I’ve had a few of them count for me that I hadn’t tagged, but there have been a few that haven’t.

    It’s good you wait until they move away to start skinning! I always try to take everything from mobs that are skinable in case someone wants to come along after me and skin! Why would you leave anything behind anyway? It’s gold!

  16. Miss Mediocre

    Rathay : Hearing about all the loot you lose makes me angry! And it’s not even my loot, lol.

  17. Emily

    I’ve experienced this too, although I think it’s only gotten slightly worse since Cata. I’ve also experienced it getting slightly better, though.

    I’ve had one or two people stop to help me randomly while I was questing to 85, but it was usually not something I couldn’t handle. I always make sure to either /thank or whisper them, and help them out a little too. One stood out though, had a warlock stop to help me when I was dying on a quest in Uldum the other day. I hadn’t expected it to be so hard, because everything had been a piece of cake for my boomkin self (awesome damage + entangling thorns + healing + innervate = unstoppable usually), but this one boss gave me trouble. It was close to the end and I was going to get it, but the ‘lock paused to help out and I was really grateful. Made sure to thank him and ask if he needed help with anything, and he didn’t, so we both just went on our way.

    On the worse side, I’ve had lots of people steal nodes from me, including a few who were definitely waiting for me to go down and aggro the mobs before they went and picked “my” node. It irks me but I shrug it off unless it happens repeatedly, thinking, “some people are just jerks.”

    I’ve been stopping to help lowbies quite a bit while I’m doing archeology. I buff them, heal them, help them kill their mobs, rez them, whatever it seems that they need. I also do the same for the 80-85s when I see them, but haven’t seen too many. No one has thanked me, but that’s ok.

    The only part that really got to me was definitely an experience in the Crucible of Carnage. I went there to heal for 3 guildies who needed to do it. I’d already helped three other groups do it while gathering herbs in the area, so was really familiar with it. I understand that healers are hard to come by in Cata, so if someone is polite I’ll help them. When we got there, there was another group that was gathering, they needed a healer so I told them if they’d let our group do it without interrupting, I would heal for them. They said ok. We got through the first two bosses, and then one guy in their group started it. I healed for them, and reminded them to let us finish. We did the next guy, and then that same guy started the second boss. I healed for them & more firmly told them to leave it alone until we were done. We went to finish, and they started a boss while we were finishing, so I scrambled to heal for both groups, and inevitably ran out of mana. A couple of them died and didn’t get it done, and decided to yell at me after I rezzed them, when I was doing them a favor anyway (I even brezzed one during). Needless to say, I did not heal for them when they attempted to finish.
    Another of our guildies declared that he wanted to do it, after we’d asked earlier and he said no. So, my tank friend and I decided to help him, and brought along a friendly pug dps who had been patiently waiting for us to finish before, as well as a guildie dps who we’d helped before but who had missed one of the quests. At this point, there are 3 groups hanging out around the questgiver, all of whom need tanks and healers. They’re constantly spamming me (and my tank friend) to help, and not listening to us when we tell them to wait. We help a few of them finish, since they were most definitely NOT waiting for us to finish with our friend – he couldn’t even figure out how to summon the bosses properly. When he finally did, someone else tagged the boss, so he didn’t get credit. Then, he kept doing the same thing, (apparently) by accident, to other people, so we kept helping him kill bosses that he wouldn’t get credit for. We kept telling him how to do it properly, but he wasn’t listening. All he said was, “this thing *bleep*ing sucks. The designers are such idiots.” The tank and I said, “it’s not hard to do if you pay attention,” which he ignored and we kept wasting time. After an hour, horde came and joined the party and at one point there were 2 bosses summoned, mobs from the bosses, and an entire world pvp battle going on down in the pit. It was 1am by that point, so I decided to go to bed. It cost me 50g in repair (not a ton, but still, I was doing someone a favor), and the guildie didn’t offer to reimburse me, or even thank me. The next day when we were in a guild heroic attempt, he (while he kept standing in aoe damage) complained that no one would help him with anything, I mentioned the night before, and he said, “yeah right, you didn’t help with anything, we didn’t get it done.” My jaw dropped. The tank’s did too. She whispered me and we had a rant fest about what an ungrateful (bleep) he was. I said something to him like, “I helped a (bleep) ton. Not my fault you couldn’t do the quests right. If you want a tank and healer to help in the future, you should consider being a little appreciative” and that shut him up.
    It was a guildie. I’d expect common courtesy from a guildie. Probably my least favorite experience I can remember having in WoW.
    And the other groups that we helped in the Crucible? Not a single thank you from anyone.

  18. Miss Mediocre

    Emily : Wow, your CoC story makes mine sound like a walk in the park! How you managed to not get fed up earlier and log is crazy, you must have some serious patience. Your guildie sounds horrible! It’s players like that who make me want to bang their head against a wall a little… lol. How is it possible to be that self centered!? /sigh

    It’s good your tank buddy was there to share in your frustration at least, that would have been awful to go through totally alone!

  19. Fleuret

    I, myself, have always enjoyed being a support class. So naturally when I joined WoW, I chose to be a Priest. I am terribly shy when it comes to MMOs, so I wasn’t so quick to try and meet people or make friends. It wasn’t until my husband urged me to do instant dungeons (after complaining I was sick of questing and having to run all across the world to level) that I truly felt this class was for me! I felt a rush and there is nothing I enjoy more than to have someone rely on me, let alone a party, and to be the one they can definitely rely -on-. It didn’t really bother me at first when I would heal or save someone from death and I wouldn’t get a ‘thank you’ — I just figured I was in the big league MMO now, and I shouldn’t expect anything.

    Now, in some past MMOs, I have played a Healer and never received gratitude (I can honestly say I had received 0 ‘thank you’ from any of them I have played). It wasn’t until I would say, “Wait, let me replenish my mana….” and they would run off without me and get themselves killed and yell at me for it.. or the time I asked if I could have some advice because I was new and always looking for guidance that someone said, “Stop being a bad healer. It’s that simple.”.. or the time I got demanded of constantly, even though I kept saying I didn’t have the mana for it.. WoW has definitely given me a reason to toughen up, but at what cost? I now do not enjoy being a Healer, and I have become bitter towards the parties I venture with.

    I still want to be a Priest, and even though the pressure is definitely “on” about being a good healer, I felt I was doing a good job until parties made me feel like I was pretty useless (even though I was the one keeping them alive). I was dicussing with my husband about being a good healer, and his brother (plus what I had read in Trade Chat from other healers) said, “If DPS runs off, pulls aggro or people are dying all around you, your main focus should be the tank. Let the others die, especially if they accidentally pull aggro. They should know better.” My own personal thought was, “Wow, really? I always try to keep everyone alive, especially if I have the mana.” And even though I have the knowledge that the tank should be my main focus, it really is a force of habit to want to heal and save other party members, even if what they did was stupid or an accident.

    I really hope the people don’t get you to stop playing.. I think it is a fun game, depsite only playing for a few weeks and getting through the things that just happen. If anything, being tougher is always good… just don’t let it ruin the gameplay or make you bitter. :) Hang in there!

  20. Miss Mediocre

    Fleuret : I really enjoy playing as a healer the most, but haven’t done so much since my BC raid days. I was lucky to be in a great guild back then that really appreciated the fact that I wanted to heal for them, because many of them didn’t, and they never made me feel like my healing wasn’t up to par, even when it actually wasn’t! It was a huge shock when I tried out healing in randoms in Wrath and I started encountering how often people blame the healer, even when it’s not our fault at all.

    I stopped healing completely and only ever qued as dps until the very end of the expansion when my Horde priest was geared well enough for me to rarely let anyone die, even when they were undergeared and being stupid, and I knew every single dungeon like the back of my hand. I still ran into people yelling at me for being a “bad healer”, but at least at that point I knew beyond a doubt that I was good, so it wasn’t as bad. Now that we’re at the beginning of an expansion again and everyone’s learning, I’m finding it way too hard to be the healer, and not just be miserable all the time. It really sucks because I like healing, and even when I’m a dps, I can’t help myself from helping out with heals when things get rough in a dungeon.

    I’m trying not to become bitter, and blogging about some of the nastier experiences I have with fellow players helps, but getting a bit tougher is probably a good idea! I’m pretty bad for letting things get to me, but it seems that’s something I’m going to have to change if I want to enjoy playing, lol.

    Thank you for the comment! It helps make dealing with the jerks easier knowing there are others going through the same types of things! :)

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