No Girls Allowed! WtF?

Posted December 22nd, 2010 by Miss Mediocre

I’ve been considering whether or not I should post about this, and have ultimately decided that I believe it to be something I need to share. I love blogging and have big dreams for my little site here, and a big part of someday reaching those dreams is communicating with fellow bloggers and getting links to my site so people actually find me out there in the big interwebs! I enjoy making friends in the blogging community and finding new content to read, while at the same time encouraging others to read what I post.

A problem I did not anticipate is the fact that I am indeed female.

Us Gamer Girls take a fair bit of abuse already simply because we’re female. It’s something one can easily adapt to and ignore, but I doubt many male bloggers have received crude and disgusting sexual comments on their posts (all of which are quickly removed from my site, but are still unpleasant). It’s also a bit more risky for us to “hop on vent” or talk on our headsets while playing CoD without having to endure the ridiculous wrath of some hormonal pre-teen who knows far too many swears. That’s not what this post is about however, but I just wanted to point out that being a female gamer has enough unique challenges already!

Being excluded because I’m female isn’t something I’ve run into since my public school club house days however.

I actually read all the Blogs I include in my Blogroll, and so when one of those Bloggers posted about updating their Blogroll, I read the post and scanned through the updated list for any Blogs I didn’t already recognize. I was a bit confused to notice that I had actually been removed from the updated list. I had been a bit put-off by this Blogger recently because of a few things they’d posted which seemed a bit scamish to me, but I’d kept that totally to myself. The only reason I could think of to merit being kicked from the Blogroll was that I’d removed one comment they’d left on my latest JMTC Blog Carnival entry because they’d just copy and pasted the same comment onto every site that had participated in the carnival, linking to one of his posts and I believe a comment should consist of more than just pressing “ctrl v”.  It wasn’t a big deal, I was a bit irked, but I just removed his Blog from my Blogroll and moved on.

But today I got an e-mail.

The Blogger explained that he had two reasons for removing me from his Blog list. The first was that, “You have been deviating from gold making topics”. Of course anyone who reads my blog is well aware that gold making tips make up only a very small portion of my posts, and I have never claimed that this was a “gold blog”. I’m a girl who games, and that is what this blog has always been about.

I could hardly believe the second reason this Blogger gave me for removing me from their list, which was, “your site is obviously ran by a female”. He mentioned that his girlfriend didn’t like him communicating with other women online, which seems a little crazy to me. Does that mean he’s going to remove every comment that is obviously left by a female on his site? He’s also hosting a January Blogging Carnival, so will any obviously female writers be excluded from that as well? I doubt it, as comments and content from females will have some benefit for his site, where as linking to a girl’s site does not.

He also said, “Just wanted to say that no hard feelings for removing you off my blogroll” and there really wasn’t, until he shared his flawed reasoning behind it with me. I’m not simply “QQing” or trying to whine about inequality, I just felt that this situation should be something people are aware of. I have noticed there are significantly less female gamers with blogs than male ones, and this has got me thinking a bit in terms of why that might be.

To all my fellow female gamer Bloggers, seriously /fistbump, and keep it up! E-mail me a link to your site (jwp@missmediocre.com) as I’ll soon be adding a special “Girls Only” section to my blogroll! We have just as much to say as the gamer guys, and other than a few exceptions, people do actually want to read what we post!

30 Responses to “No Girls Allowed! WtF?”

  1. Alto

    Dear Miss Mediocre,

    After reading this, I was reminded of when I started Wow. I was questing in Sepultre (sp) when I was working a quest with killing a few mobs. Well, it got outta control, and I was getting smoked. Alas, there was a nearby 40 that came to help out. After a few hours and all the quests done, traveling around, hit SFK for a run, I got to know them pretty good, bullshitting back and forth:

    “bla, bla, new to the game, bla, bla, near chicago, bla, bla, been with the ol’lady for a couple years” (that’s me)

    “bla, bla, been playing for a year now, bla, bla, outside sydney, bla, bla, hahahaha, funny. I have been with my “ol’lady” for 6 or so months” (that’s them)

    So, after talking on WoW for a few weeks, they really helped me get into my own in the game, learning alot. So then they invited me into a thing they called “vent”. So I downloaded it, logged in, and heard a voice…you guessed it, it was my “bud”. But my WoW buddy wasn’t a dude. It was a woman (yeah, alot went through my head, like putting 2 and 2 together about the comment about Ol lady- and why she laughed when i said that originally). For all I know, it could be you, or someone that reads this blog.

    Needless to say, she never tells anyone in game that she’s even a girl…too much drama involved, kinda like what you mentioned up top in your post.

    Now to give my two cents. I can never go through what you have experienced, but I have seen it firsthand. If someone took you off the blog due to his “ol’lady” being jealous, leave it at that. He’s in love, and it’s not his wishes, he is just making his girlfriend happy. It seems that he has read your blog before (with “used” to being on his blogroll and all), and I am sure he dresses up in his ninja outfit when his wifey is sleeping and secretly reads your posts late at night…without her knowing….and he will see how much it affected you, and respond with the error of his ways. Or not. Either way, Keep Smiling!

    Anyways, love the site, love the content, but not so sure about the purple, as my eyes are fuzzy now….

    Jerry,
    AKA Alto

    *selfless link to my blog, and yes, it is the worst ever:
    ALTOs Gold”ish” Advise- The Worst WoW Blog Ever!

  2. Miss Mediocre

    Alto : I do understand wanting to keep your significant other happy, and making sacrifices to do so, but I just didn’t really understand how having a female in his blogroll was worse than answering comments females leave on his blog. The later seems more like “communicating” with someone, versus having the name of a site on a list that happens to belong to a girl.

    I tend to not let other players know I’m a girl on purpose, though they tend to guess a lot of the time because of the amount of “hehe” and smileys that sneak into whatever I’m typing. Did you remain WoW buddies??

  3. Shamaenei

    Hey Miss Mediocre,

    First of all I feel sorry for those who choose to reject people based on their gender. Speaking as a male gamer I think we should embrace having girls in our guild, clans or whatever because that makes them run a lot smoother since most girls are also great managers and social beings. A lot of male gamers seem to be afraid of being beaten by a girl when they do a battleground or deathmatch fight in an FPS. I think that’s nonsense female players should be trying out more stuff and expand their horizons. They need to learn and I think we need to take the time to properly explain things to those who don’t understand or are new to a specific game so you can have the same experience as we are having.

    Well I hope I cheered you up a bit, don’t go crazy about it and keep up the blog posts.

    Fellow Blogger
    -Shamaenei

  4. Miss Mediocre

    Thanks Shamaenei! I do hate that pointing out a guy was beaten by a girl is such an insult to some, in FPS especially. It’s like, of course I beat you, what does it matter if I’m a girl? I’m good at this game! If I was male, would it really hurt less? Lol, oh well…

  5. Nyx

    From another gamer girl, guys can be incredibly silly. I’m from a top-50 world raiding guild, and the only girl in the guild (we do exist!) and it seems you have to prove yourself to every new recruit sometimes. I probably get asked for a picture on a weekly basis (no), get back to the kitchen jokes whenever someone is hungry… that kind of thing.

    Still, I dont bother to hide that I’m female, I talk just as much on public vent, and mostly they settle down after a while, with some exceptions. And most people seem capable of deciding that yes, a girl can play well – missed one progression kill in 3 years.

    Wonder if there’s any female bloggers still active from the top guilds… Only one I knew of was Kyth from Fusion, but she left.

  6. Nevyn

    That is such a load of codswallop! Why should gender have anything to do with how well you write or how well you play the game? It’s not as if you are on the same server & questing together or chatting on vent all the time or whatever. Tbh, if he’s done that to keep her happy then either it’s not a solid relationship in the first place or he’s pussy-footing around for some reason & is only to be pitied.

    But on the bright side, I started my own blog yesterday :) Not sure quite where it’s going yet but hey ho, another adventure begins!

  7. Alto

    @ Miss Mediocre

    Yeah, I missed the point about comments, but I am sure if she (the girlfriend) has locked women out of the blogroll, then comments can only be next.

    As for the contact with my buddy, nope, we lost track of each other years ago, as I got into a raiding guild (MC, AQ20 anyone? lol. long time ago) and she just stopped logging in. A few server changes since then, so I have no clue where she’s at now. As far as I know, she might be one of your loyal readers….?

  8. Cold

    Girlfriends have issues and sometimes it’s just easier to appease them, instead of fighting for what isn’t really even an issue. Sometimes it’s worth following their request, no matter the reasoning or how absurd it may be.

    We all have to pick and choose our battles.

  9. Scallywwagg

    I am a girl gamer although at 34 I feel less able to use the word “girl” when describing myself. I am a guild master or guild mummy, a name which my guildies have coined. We have 3 prominant female members one of whom is an officer. At one point we had 4 members of the 10 man raid team who were female who all did a fine job.

    We also have a smaller number of casual female gamers, many of whom play with their partners of both genders. We also raid and I am a member of the raid team and during 25 mans which built up from a lot of pugs there were always a large number of female players.

    I come from an RP server, and although I don’t RP I find that there are a large proportion of women who play on my server and I don’t know if this is an RP thing or not.

    I starting reading your blog because of gold tips as I am a keen gold maker, now on 150k but I continued to read it because it is one of the few out there written by a woman. So keep up the good work and I will look forward to more great posts and screenshots. Take care and have a lovely Christmas,

    Scally xx

  10. Fleuret

    I know I definitely get a ton of backlash for being a girl gamer — especially from my husband, of all people! Don’t get me wrong, he is a respectful man and sweet and… bla bla. xD But there have been so many times where I have asked for advice or why something is so hard for me to do as the class I chose, and he just says…

    Husband: “Well, it’s because you’re not as dedicated as you think you are.”

    Me: “Not as dedicated? But I try so hard and put everything I have into it. I just don’t understand. How do you do it?”

    Husband: “I have more dedication, that’s all. You don’t take it seriously enough.”

    Me: “Wait.. Take it seriously enough? I do!”

    Husband: “You’re just not as serious as I am.”

    Me: “… What?! But I do try! I am taking it seriously! How are we so different??”

    Husband: “I’ve always been a serious gamer..” …..

    .. and you can imagine the rest, how since I am a girl, I don’t take my gaming as seriously as he does because… he’s a guy and that’s what guys are good at? Sounds like someone needs to sleep on this with the couch for a few nights, haha. :P

    I get a lot of it from my brothers too, who feel I don’t take it seriously and just want to flirt with everyone or something. Well, why can’t I be serious too? Can’t I love a game enough to do my absolute best, considering I’ve only been playing like, 2 weeks now? After all the years women have had their independance, you’d really think being discrimminated against wouldn’t be an issue! But it truly is, especially in MMOs. :C

  11. Miss Mediocre

    Nyx : Thanks for commenting! It’s cool to hear from a girl from the other side of the WoW spectrum! Top 50 world raid guild, and you still have to deal with that stuff, that’s crazy! It’s great that you obviously can and do prove yourself, but kinda crappy that you have to time and again.

    I haven’t read any blogs by a girl from a top raid guild, but I definitely would! Fight mechanics and such would interest me less than her experiences as a top raider! It would be cool to read about what all was way different than my play experience, since I am such a casual player, and what might be similar. If you come across any such blog, or ever start one of your own, let me know!! :D

  12. Miss Mediocre

    Nevyn : Yeah that’s what I didn’t really understand about the whole thing, and it does make me wonder about the relationship. I do feel a bit bad for him, now that I am done being angry, lol.

    That’s awesome that you’ve started your own blog! I’ll check it out sometime over the xmas break for sure! :D

  13. Miss Mediocre

    Alto : That sucks that you guys lost track of each other, but that would be pretty cool if she was a reader and recognized you from these comments! Sadly I’ve lost track of some pretty cool WoW people over the years too from guild and server changes.

  14. Miss Mediocre

    Scallywwagg : That must be kind of awesome, having such a big portion of your main guildies who are females! I’ve never really joined any guilds with more than one other active female player, and usually it’s just me, but I don’t play on an RP server…

    I would have around 150k now… if I could stop buying things! Cataclysm has been bad for my gold stores, but I’m hoping to get back into more of a gold-making habit after the Holidays!

    Merry Christmas! XD

  15. Miss Mediocre

    Fleuret : That line about sleeping on the couch actually made me “lol”.

    It’s strange because I find my brother and boyfriend are the complete opposite, and are always telling me I need to take the game less seriously, lol. I have been playing just as long as they have, and have more 80s, so maybe I’ve just proven myself in their eyes? Proven myself to be a WoW addict… lol.

    I bet in no time they’ll be asking for your advice! Girls are good at WoW, damnit!

  16. Quietkjun

    Sorry to hear about your situation. Even if the fellow blogger’s reply to you is true (seriously, jealous of a boyfriend because he has a female blogger on his blog roll? Get out!), its sounds like you may be better off not being listed on his site. Sexism, in game or out, is WRONG!

    On the matter of traffic to your site, I hope it is OK but I offered you as a candidate for one of the categories in the Pink Pigtail Inn’s yearly blogging contest. You are an excellent writer and an enjoyable read. I hope it gets more people to your site so they can find out what the rest of us already know.

  17. Rathay

    Oh brother. Some people are so immature. Like really?

    Dude needs to drop his “controlling girlfriend” and take a clear look around at the world. I don’t get it. Let’s exclude all the awesome people from everything! Yes!

    I will never understand. I only understand the good people.

  18. Gael

    Since I don’t raid or run instances (someone has to take care of the dogs) I don’t worry too much about being rejected in-game. When it suits me I feel free to tell folks that not only am I female but nearly able to collect Social Security. I laugh and tell them that life doesn’t end at 30, or 40, or even 50… I plan to be playing my hunters until I’m in my grave. LOL

    I am so sorry you were discriminated against. If the dude has a GF who won’t let him talk to other women even in a game he has bigger problems than prejudice to deal with. Wish him luck (he will need it) and move on.

    When I was playing Diablo 2 one of the best blogs and info sites was run by a woman and no one cared. So keep up the good work and people won’t be able to ignore you. :)

  19. Goldpaw

    As sad as this is, it is very common.

    First and foremost it shows both the “normal” disrespect of female gamers – or female online at all for that matter – by the average 15-25 year old male which thinks women exist to be cute and sexy and nothing else.

    Secondly it shows how irrationally jealous people can be, which also leads from misconceptions and sexism. My girlfriend’s ex-husband was crazy. Not simply jealous, but crazy. He demanded access to her mail, her MSN, her WoW account, everything. He demanded to be able to “check up on her” to make sure she didn’t talk to any other men. Because if she did, she was obviously a slut and cheating. According to him. Your blog entry made me think of him. You don’t hear about superjealous woman controlling their men as often as the opposite, but I have no doubt it is equally common. People are sick, they have issues. And it’s usually innocent bystanders like you that have to pay the price.

    A few guilds back, at the start of WotLK, I found myself being the guild master in somebody else’s guild. During my time as the boss, I got known for having a zero tolerance for any “average male”-talk. There were 3 females that were known in that guild. And one of them being my girlfriend had to constantly suffer a rush of “your voice is so sexy”, “what bra size do you have” and sexual innuendo in every word that was spoken or written to her. I tried to come down as hard as I could on that sort of crap, since nobody should be treated like that. Fact is – and I know this because they told me – that the guild had a whopping 1/3 female population, but only 3 of them revealed their gender to the public.

    I doubt it came very clearly across in my confusing little story, but the essence here is that though the gaming world obviously is being run by a bunch of juvenile adolescent sexist little boys with no comprehension of the fact that girls are COMPLETELY NORMAL PEOPLE, there are plenty of people that ARE normal. People that dislike the “no girls”-nonsense just as much as we do. But most of them remain quiet, and leave the scene to the loud morons that wants to know your bra size.

    And if he was truly honest about his girlfriend controlling him in this manner, then I have no idea what to say. I could tell him to grow some balls and dump her, but I doubt he would understand the concept of it. I find his excuse for removing you from the blogroll “weak” at best.

  20. Goldpaw

    Oh, I’m a 33 year old male gamer, btw. Born and raised in a house full of women, brought up to question that which I am told, learn what I can from others and respect my fellow human beings, no matter their race, color, religion, nationality or gender.

    And I’m a great cook! :D

  21. Ladygalad

    Hey Missy,

    I just wanted to say that yours is so far the only WOW blog I read. I’ve been wowing for about 1 year now and I find your blog to be the most relevant. I also appreciate that it is 1. run by a girl and 2. not only about gold (I mean, I have never had a problem getting gold. it’s not complicated.) so I just wanted to say props and keep up the posts! Most of them directly correlate with what I’m doing in WOW and are helpful.

    -Sylphe @ Eitrigg

  22. Seth Malacris

    I presume you are talking about Cold.

    I think he’s just mad that you aren’t in the kitchen.

    Don’t worry too much about it Cold, that’s what laptops are for, amirite?

  23. Aliciana

    It is so shameful that this kind of sexism exists as much in the virtual world as it still does in the real world. I too have experienced shuns when my male counterparts found out that my female toon was actually being played by a female and was not just a female toon being played by another guy for kicks. That is why I am so glad that there are blogs and sites out there by us girls and for other girls. I know some very serious female gamers who could beat the pants off of, and who know more about WOW than, alot of guy gamers.

    During a recent chat in the trade channel, I was myself recently told in game that no serious gamer cares what a woman has to say about the game, and certainly should not take gaming advice from a female!! I’m sure his comment was because I publicly disagreed with advice he was giving to another lower level toon. I was shocked to say the least. But it does happen.

    It was then (last week) that I decided to begin my own little blog and share my knowledge and gaming experiences with any who are interested. http://adventuresinwarcraft.blogspot.com

    I have written three posts this week so far and in the last 14 hours received 21 views stemming from a post I placed yesterday evening on wowhead.com about the new Potion of Treasure Finding and whether or not, based on my experimentation, I thought it was worth the investment. So people really are interested in what this female gamer has to say!! As I am sure there are lots more who are interested in what you have to say as well. So shrug this guy off and keep up the great work you are doing here.

    I only recently came across your blog and I think that it’s great because of the different spin you give WOW as opposed to all those hardcore blogs and sites. I will definately be adding it to my blogroll.

  24. Miss Mediocre

    Rathay : I kind of don’t understand it either, if anyone tried to control my interactions like that I’d drop them so fast! I do feel a bit bad for the guy though… Oh well :)

  25. Miss Mediocre

    Gael : I sometimes wonder if I too will be playing my paladin until I’m in the grave, lol. Seems crazy to think of WoW ever not being a part of my life… WoW and blogging about WoW! :D Thank you!

  26. Miss Mediocre

    Goldpaw : I hadn’t really thought about it, but you’re probably right about there being a large number of crazy jealous girlfriends out there, usually you think of the super jealous as mostly guys though! I’ve known some guys who think their significant other should have no privacy, and that if there is ever a password between them and something of their partner’s, like an e-mail account, then obviously they are keeping secrets, which means they are probably cheating. It’s just awful that anyone would put up with that kind of behavior, but I understand being blinded to some very obvious flaws in the person you care about.

    It must have been very nice for the females in your guild! It’s not that I have a problem with humor or the occasional flirtatious comment, but totally unprompted sexual remarks from strangers can be a bit repulsive! Especially in a “guild vent” situation! In game you can /ignore, but if you mute someone in vent, everyone else can still hear what they are saying, and you can hear everyone’s reaction to those comments, which is just awkward, lol.

    Thanks for commenting! I’m glad reading these comments that it’s not only fellow female gamers who see a flaw in this Blogger’s reasoning, but males as well.

  27. Miss Mediocre

    Sylphe : I’d been wondering a bit lately if people liked the non-gold making posts, so I’m glad to hear that you do! I love posting about what I’m experiencing in game in hopes that others are experiencing the same things because I find it fun communicating with others about what I’m up to in game, and it always makes frustrating situations seem a little better knowing other players are being frustrated by the same things! :D

  28. Miss Mediocre

    Seth : Lol, I don’t want to specifically call anyone out, though I basically have I guess just without providing a name or link, lol. It’s more just the situation I wanted to call to light, as it seemed wrong.

    I do take the time to log off and head to the kitchen now and again, because my laptop unfortunately can’t run Cataclysm… But sometimes my boyfriend goes and cooks for me! It’s all about balance, and who has more important things to do in WoW. :)

  29. Miss Mediocre

    Aliciana : Thank you for the link :) I read through your first three posts and I hope you keep at it! I’ll add you to my blogroll as well, as I’m attempting to get as many female bloggers in there as possible! Gender really has nothing to do with how good or bad someone is at a game, and hopefully more people will come to realize that as time goes on. :)

  30. Miss Mediocre

    Quietkjun : Aw, thank you so much! I hadn’t heard of the Pink Pigtail Inn’s contest, but after looking at it I’m honored that you thought to suggest me :’)

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